Saturday, March 08, 2008

Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate Killing Yourself...

Top 10 reasons to Procrastinate Killing Yourself

10. Tomorrow isn't going anywhere and it usually is at least marginally better than today was. And if it isn't THEN you can drink the rat poison/bleach martini. But keep in mind that there's always a better tomorrow somewhere. Just ask Donald Trump or Paris Hilton.

9. If you can possibly put it off, you can save yourself a whole lot of mess, aggravation and trauma…so sleep on it.

8. Laziness. Really---why go to all the effort? Just take a nap instead.

7. Insomnia got you down? Perfect---all the more time to catch up on all of those really bad reruns of TV shows from the 80s and 90s. The hair and clothes alone will cheer you up and put life into perspective. If shoulder pads and sequins and lots of hairspray don't help you see life's ultimate and mysterious beauty then go to the 24-hour drive thru at the pharmacy and scream "I'M OUTTA MY MEDS!!!!!" and let the mayhem and shenanigans begin!

6. Racing thoughts? Ok---set up a racetrack in your head and see which thought wins first. If it is of the “I am a loser and I really want to die” variety, reward yourself with a cookie instead of a date with the Grim Reaper. I hear he's a really bad tipper with horrific BO anyway. And who doesn't love a delicious cookie, really?

5. You're having the worst day, month, year, decade of your life. Congratulations! It can only get better…or worse from here. Why not stick around to find out? See yourself as a character in a book or movie that you really want to know what happens to them. Stay until the credits roll.

6. You know that lottery ticket you just bought? They pick the numbers tomorrow. Go to bed, jackass. By this time next week you could be rolling in dough instead of self-pity and misery.

5. You're late for everything in your life anyway…might as well keep Mr. Death waiting. He ain't going anywhere, believe you me. Cuz that guy? Has no life except...well..ya know---death.

4. Tomorrow can't be worse than yesterday or today…or maybe it can…why not make each day a challenge?

3. So if the only things sure in life are death and taxes then approach death like you do your taxes. Wait until the last possible second and then go to the airport FedEx office to mail in your soul. Make sure to use extra postage so you don't get charged the late fees....nothing sucks more than arriving in the afterlife in debt.

2. The religious factor…ok let's for argument sake say all of the doomsday evangelist nuts are right about the whole burning eternally in a lake of fire thing. How much would that totally BLOW? Go rent “Harold and Maude” immediately…it will make you laugh at yourself and at life.

And last but not least top, numero UNO reason to procrastinate killing yourself…Hey---I'll tell you tomorrow. To be continued...

Stay tuned to write/read the next chapter of your life. And then mail me a copy so I can feel better about mine.

Courtney A. Walsh is a bipolar humor author who tried to unsuccessfully off herself. You can read all about it in her memoir, “Lipstick and Thongs in the Loony Bin”.

Now she shows others how to go from Rock Bottom to Rock ON! And how to rock even harder into the big question marks....

Please digg this...Courtney A. Walsh needs a new pair of shoes. Seriously...she has really bad taste in shoes.

Underground Bookclub, I AM DEAN HUNT, turtles, hawks, crows and moving on....

"Love what is ahead by loving what has gone before." ~Ginger Lemon teabag

Well---since I skipped out on a Feb posting I am catching up here with a bonus post. You lucky, lucky reader, you! You get a twofer... ;)

This week I was the featured guest author for the It was a wonderful night with warm, lovely people. A mix of random readers, teachers and a high school librarian. After a month and a half of promoting it at coffeeshops and other venues, the host and group leader, had emailed me this the other day:

"Courtney - I just wanted to touch base with you as we approach the book club meeting. We have had over 500 views the past two months on the site."

(I think many of these hits were driven by the youtube link: which leads to my booksite: which leads to this blog link: which leads of course to a vortex of fun and excitement)

"We had 15 people interested in the club. Last week - people needed to confirm.
5 have confirmed.
3 said that they cant make it.
The remaining Seven have not confirmed (I have sent them another email).

I hope this is okay - and not a major disappointment to you.

I will let you know tomorrow how many of the remaining seven reply."

My first thought was..."It will be ten." I have no idea where this thought came from...if five were confirmed why would I suddenly think that number would double in a day and a half?

Then the next day I got this email:


Some last minute confirmations.

Total number.


Not bad!

See you tonight."

Sweet! So I walked into the lovely Main Street Coffee House in East Greenwich, RI there are ten people most of whom are holding my little pink book. Some had downloaded it. And as I walked in one of the members happened to be saying the word, "Thongtastic!"...TRIPPY, much? Surreal and groovy, though.

We had a nice chat and the group leader grilled me thoughtfully with questions he had collected before I arrived. It was definitely good preparation for my gig at Wellesley High School next week...

Then this morning I got an email about a practical web joke by this guy Dean Hunt...

I sent an email around to everyone at work with the subject header: "Help me get a global backlink for Lipstick and Thongs..."

Some fellow nutty people in my office started walking around, getting pumped up for the impromptu video shoot we set up for the afternoon break. A bunch said, "I AM DEAN HUNT!" as they passed me in the hallway. Have I mentioned I love my crazy coworkers? I plan on becoming a major polygamist and marrying each and every one of them. Move over Mitt...there's a new Mormon in can view the footage here:

They ROCK!

Which brings me to the next little tidbit of bittersweet news...

I will soon be leaving them all because my assignment here will be wrapping up. But it's all good really. I believe in cycles...when I first got here on my very first day I saw this massive turtle in the parking lot. I swear that he was smiling/smirking at me. It was like he was saying: "Let the games begin!"

Then on the day I found out that the workflow has slowed down as well as sales...You know it's bad when your boss is praying for a good flu season to sell more cold medicine..I saw two hawks flying overhead and a murder of crows flitting in between them.

Never one to ignore the signs the universe winks in my direction...I looked up crows (one of my fave birds since my initials are CAW) and hawks to see what this might mean...

I found these tidbits that clicked for me:

Red Tailed Hawk Affirmation Card: I am healed and empowered through my visions. My life moves forward.

Those who carry Crow/Raven medicine once they become attuned to it, can begin drawing what they need and value into their own lives. They also have the ability to teach others how to learn to value themselves and others, to go for the gold, the best in one's life and to be open to receive from the Universe.

Yeah...that sounds about right.

Flying into the next question mark, swirling on the wind, unfolding wings, love, hope, humor, dipping, cawing, playing and letting the world be reborn anew moment by moment.

For more info on the Underground Book Club:

Also...Stay looned for yet another site that I'll be designing and hosting (with the help of friends and anyone who doesn't mind exchanging hugs for graphic design until the Powerball winnings come through) and the domain name is:

It may be a short bus...but it WILL be a pink one!!!!